I bid you farewell, Blogdrive.

This has been a long while. Two years, two months, and some days. 652 entries.

A lot has changed, a lot has changed.

You have given me some good times, Blogdrive.

Everything that happens

Is supposed to be

And it's all predetermined

Can't change your destiny

Guess I'll just keep moving

Someday maybe I'll get to where I'm going.

Y

Sometimes I wonder about myself. This morning, I woke up at some random time and was really cold so I was trying to reach over to turn the air conditioner off without having to get up but my arm fell and I promptly stuck my hand right on a thumbtack.

And yesterday, I poured drinks all over me. Three times. Twice with water and once with tea.

Like seriously, what IS WRONG WITH ME?

Been thinking about you
Your records are here
Your eyes are on my wall
Your teeth are over there
But I'm still no one
And you're my star
What do you care?

Please hang my raincoat
I guess that I'll stay a while
While I wait on the return
It seems the distance you've made
Has since lost its meaning
Meanwhile, I've meant to ration my thoughts
To help quicken this sloth driven day
As I wait, my joints slowly stiffen
They're warning me that something is nearing
Disaster...
Disaster...
Hailstorm...

Memories like fireflies
A green hue of imagery
But much too random to see clearly
And I don't recall much between you and me
Grey and cloudy
This tragedy plays itself over again in my mind
What's my line
Where are the cue cards
Memorize my actions, my discourse
Like a discontented fool...
This just won't do
It's no use
These crushing days

Absence made your heart bruise
You're all bruise
You're all bruise

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM.

IF HE'S GONNA BE LIKE THAT, I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE WITH HIM.

:D

Drove through your neighborhood tonight

I mean it's not like I didn't know I would be

I just didn't think it would be hard

Why should it be? It's just driving

And I didn't even see your house tonight

So what was the big deal?

But I saw a familiar street sign and felt my eyes burning

Saw the so-called big hill, same trees, same fences

Quiet neighborhood on a quiet night and I could feel you there

I could feel you there, whatever you were doing

And I remembered

I remembered the first time I took that drive

Third of December, two thousand five

And it was too much, I couldn't look up

Midnight came so soon that night and

Driving home, I smiled because I knew and

Once more I felt you there

But you weren't haunting me then

That feeling wasn't haunting me then

It was the perfect evening

Turned to perfect night and driving home

Snowflakes danced from the sky and I

Couldn't stop smiling

Couldn't stop because I knew you were smiling too

And tonight it just hurt

Quiet streets, quiet tears because

It was all so familiar

It's all so familiar

Still I feel you there.. should I?

Regardless whether or not I should, I do

Quiet streets, quiet you

Boathouse Row and Carpenter Lane

And your hand was so close to mine

So very close to mine and the car was warm

We were smiling and we knew

And we believed

But that was almost a year ago

Things are different now

It's just quiet streets and quiet defeats in me

Rememberance of that winter's first snow

A night so beautiful, so long ago.

I love Cursive. I don't care if no one else in the world likes them. I love them.

School is starting soon. Yes.

And I'm going out with Emma, Sara, and hopefully Mia tomorrow. Then staying over Sara's. Degrassipartywoo.

I don't know why I'm updating so.. goodnight.

RED.

RED RED RED.

Not red of anger but red of passion. Red of hearts and red of mind.

MIND IS A CYCLONE.

CYCLONE CYCLONE CYCLONE.

He's perfect.

ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS.

And I'm shy with my head down smiling and my hands shaking.

HE COULD GET ANY GIRL HE WANTS.

Any girl he wants because he's drop-dead gorgeous, seventeen leaves falling from autumn trees.

MIND IS A CYCLONE.

The clock is ticking.

TICK TICK TICK.

My heart swells like a balloon.

DON'T POP IT, BABY. DON'T POP IT.

I MAKE NO SENSE.

NO SENSE, NO SENSE, NO SENSE.

What am I thinking anymore?

THERE'S HIM.

And he's great and he TALKS TO ME.

TALK TALK TALK.

HE SAYS NICE THINGS.

But it wouldn't work.

WOULDN'T, WOULDN'T WORK.

And then there's HIM.

CLOSE TO THREE YEARS.

BUT GUESS WHO HASN'T TALKED TO ME IN CLOSE TO TWO MONTHS?

YEAAAAAH. I get that it's hard.

OH BABY I GET THAT YOU'RE SHY.

'Cause I'm shy too.

SHY JUST LIKE YOU.

You can't expect me to start conversations.

I'VE TRIED.

But when you don't give an answer,

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Keep talking?

NO.

You shut me down and shut me up and shoved me away.

I didn't like it but you did it and I let you.

A NEW SEMESTER IS STARTING.

A new semester.

MORE MIND MIND MIND LIKE A CYCLONE.

More swelling hearts and awkward starts.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN SOMEDAY.

'Til then I'm shy with my head down and my hands shaking.

Far more shy than I'd like to be.

WHEN I SEE YOU, WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

Uncomfortable hellos?

NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AT ALL?

Baby you've got to put SOME effort into it.

Oh, and there's HIM.

Nice messages.

KIND KIND WORDS.

Good friend.

Good good friend.

TALKS TO ME.

Maybe you should, too.

RED.

Not red as in anger.

Not capital letters and yelling as in ANGER.

Capital letters and yelling as in HEAR ME PLEASE.

Listen for once, will you?

WILL YOU?

Can you actually look me in the eye and say something without your head down and hands shaking?

Because I'm trying.

But your eyes aren't here to look at, baby, and a new semester is starting.

A new semester and I'll SEE YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

Tremble, hands, tremble.

But don't drop the camera.

DON'T DROP THE CAMERA.

Because, you know, sometimes I forget what I look like and the PICTURES REMIND ME.

The pictures remind me what YOU LOOK LIKE, TOO.

And to put it quite simply,

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

You look beautiful, boy, and it's a crying shame you are too shy to talk to me.

So I went to the shore for a week.

No big details, forgive me.

I love the shore, but I ended up missing home a lot and was glad to finally come back home.

In other news, The Format sold out which is sad, but I'm seeing Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice.  A little over a week after I see Sufjan. That couldn't be better. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

That is all for now.

Hi.

So happy mood is pretty much back.

Jeez, I'm like one of those myspace bulletin girls with all my moods. Oh nooo. hah.

I just realized that like.. as much as I miss him now, September will come eventually and then I can see him more. And maybe this time will be beneficial after all because he may have realized that this is ridiculous.

And!! Until September comes, I'm just going to enjoy what I can of the rest of the summer.

No worries, no worries.

Oh! And my Central roster was set up today.

Scooooooooooore.

Love is a ghost train through the darkness...

I hate odd moods. It can't be partially because I haven't seen him in close to a month and a half.. can't be... can it?

I'm in one of those moods where I want to do nothing more than sit. Live off of water and insecurities.. water and memories.

Forgive me if I seem distant while talking to you today. The truth is, I'm feeling like I really don't want to talk at all, but I appreciate company so I will talk. Just maybe not as much, or maybe not as happily as you'd like.

Enjoy your day!

...Hold on to me, darling, I got no place to go.

Tonight I ate spinach and shrimp and felt really healthy but then I had birthday cake and felt really gross.

I also fed babykitten with a miniature baby bottle.

And now I feel blank and weird and bad for no reason at all.

Time for Fiona Apple?

You know it.

[Fiona Apple is basically theme music for bad/blank/weird girly moods. Such as this]

Oh, this mood?

I thiiiiink I know what's coming.

I may be wrong.

But I think I know.

Ohhhhhh, girlyness. Why!?

My mom says it's up to me to name babykitten. I don't know what to call him.

I want to hear that Counting Crows tape NOW. NOW. I used to listen to that so many times a day, every day, for a nice amount of months in a row. Nothing else. I MISS PERFECT BLUE BUILDINGS.

I feel like I want to sit on my air mattress wrapped in fleece blankets for awhile. And think of metaphors for things. What I tend to do is make up a really good song lyric, but I could never think up the rest of the song. Buh.

Goodnight, town.